Damnit!

Time: 7:13pm

Place: The Purple Room

Music: Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

So yeah... I fucked up today..! Like really bad..! I am a really inconsiderate, stupid and selfish person and I would never like me if I were not me... (If that made any sense)

Today... 

I woke up at 11:15am but decided to go back to sleep as I barely got any last night due to this horrible pain in my legs. And I had an extremely horrifying nightmare (or daymare) after that; woke up again. Went back to sleep and had (finally) a decent dream involving a certain person I know. Finally I got outta bed at 1:30 pm which is early for me. I got biscuits and peanutbutter and had a breakfast. I watched a whole lotta How I Met Your Mother and got my self some lunch at around 3:30pm. Watched HIMYM again.

Watched Scrubs later...

This doesn't seem like an evil day, right? Wrong!!! I didn't even say hello to my mom. I didn't enter her room and when I finally went in to say hello all I got was an eyebrow raise... Which I totally deserve but I feel so horrible. And I pretended that I didn't know she was in the house. Yeah, it's not that stupid; it's a hell lot more!!! 

And now I got Dhyanii coming over for a sleepover and I have to get permission to go to Tubby's farmhouse tomorrow... But sadly... I fucked up! As usual... I always fuck things up! And it makes me feel so guilty and so horrible. Cause I don't want to be an asshole who doesn't give a fuck about anything..! 

And these stupid cartoon-y tags of everyone... GODDAMNIT NOTIFICATIONS!!!

They were fun when you were not getting and giving them..! BUT dear god... People stop tagging these retard weird cartoon-y pictures..! THEY ARE ANNOYING NOW!!! 

We are not anti-boy; we are pro-girl!

Hehe... Yeah.. Riot Grrrl is awesome! 

For those who do not know what Riot Grrrl is...

It is an underground feminist punk movement. Riot Grrrl bands often adress issues such as rape, domestic abuse, sexuality and female empowerment..! 

But they are so AWESOME!!!

As in their music is... I do not (sadly) know them personally..! 

And as Molly Neuman awesomely puts it.. 'We are not anti-boy; we are pro-girl'!!!!!! So yeah!!!

Rebel Girl - Bikini Kill (Kathleen Hanna, the founder of Riot Grrrl)

That girl thinks shes the queen of the neighborhood
Shes got the hottest trike in town
That girl she holds her head up so high
I think I wanna be her bestfriend

Rebel girl, rebel girl
Rebel girl you are the queen of my world
Rebel girl, rebel girl
I think I wanna take you home
I wanna try on your clothes too

When she talks, the revolutions coming
In her hips, theres revolution
When she talks, I hear the revolution
In her kiss, I taste the revolution

Rebel girl...

That girl thinks shes the queen of the neighborhood
I got news for you, she is!
They say shes a slut, but I know
She is my bestfriend

Rebel girl, rebel girl, rebel girl
I really like you, I really love you
I really wanna be your bestfriend
Love you like a sister always
Soul sister, blood sister

Please be my rebel girl

Disturbia

This one is for you Twinkle..! Hope you like it! (if you don't imma kick your buddi ass) =P

“Basanti! You stupid woman! I told you to put it straight! What makes you think you can put the phone diagonally? Can’t you do anything right?” screamed Papa as he was getting ready to go to office. “Sir, I can. And right now I am packing your ‘dabba’, please cooperate with me” she said while grinning at my ignorant face.

 

Im used to this now; his obsession with getting things done perfectly, ever since Mom went away that is. All day long he is screaming like a banshee. I just wonder what happens to his workers at office.  I am just waiting for the day he comes home and kicks his shoes off at random places; he used to do that a lot.

 

I vividly remember my dad telling mother lazily “it’s a Sunday honey. Why bother with homework darling? Sometimes I feel you are too much of a brain-chewer. I should have married that British/Punjabi girl my parents wanted me to marry. She was as laid back as I am.” He said with his most charming smile, to which she replied “you do remember my old boyfriend, don’t you? That tall, fair Parsi boy. I still have his number you know; maybe I should call him up sometime” she replied cheekily while dressing me up in my Sunday dress. I used to wear that dress every Sunday, not every Sunday literally just the Sundays my brother was visiting and taking us to the cinema. 

 

I used to worship cinema days. I used to love going to the matinee. I used to make sure I used to wear my best frocks every time I would go to the cinema. I was amazed that two hours of my life would transform my thinking and my way of looking at things.

I guess Papa enjoyed spending time with us too. He still visits that old shut down cinema from Sunday to Sunday. Maybe to revive old memories, maybe to revive Mother’s soul.

He probably behaves like her because he doesn’t want me to feel that she’s gone. But how could I miss!

 

Well I don’t want to boast but I feel I had the perfect family. Well, that is impossible but real close to being perfect; a loving dad, a fun/strict mom and a brother who is continuing his studies abroad. Everything was normal (or abnormal according to others) till she got her first fit (unfit).

 

It started off with her shivering violently and then screaming and going crazy. I was just nine then. Dad took her to the best hospitals and no one ever figured what was wrong with her. But still, they put her on some medication which reduced the often-ness of the convulsions.

 

 

But one fine (not fine) day, she got the worst seizure of her life and was well, found dead.  We thought she was getting better but apparently she wasn’t. It was like a ‘Hindi’ movie coming towards the interval; only that it was the end of my mom. But it was even worse for my father. He looked like one of those sad, Italian gangsters in his office suits; he had a thin moustache and he smoked cigars. He never cried openly but me, being his daughter, knew that inside it was like an everlasting stab to the heart.

 

My brother stopped his studies for a bit and came to live with us but it made no difference. He was still quiet and obsessed with perfection.

 

Presently, he has tried perfecting everything; from how the socks are kept to the number of brown spots on a ‘chapatti’ (32) and my grades!  And now that I am 17 and studying psychology, it just becomes clearer that perfection is just a voice for your inner insecurities/pain. 

God Killed The Queen

This is for Khushboo... Hope you like it! =D

Time: 10:04pm

Place: The Purple Room

Music: All The Small Things- Blink 182

“God killed the queen” sang out Louis XIV’s lead singer, Daryl Reed. He is brilliant. He comes up with amazing lyrics and guitar licks (okay so what if that happens after two joints). Head banging, I make my way backstage only to see the band manager, Judith, trying to open a bottle of Foster’s with her teeth. She offers it to me. I reached out for it but before I could grab the bottle, her lips grabbed mine. We have been together since Louis XIV has been touring and that’s about three years and a half. She gets a bottle of Foster’s for herself and then we start singing “if you want to take my body tonight then you have to bring somebody tonight. I think im seeing double, God killed the queen”. The show then ends and many fans try to get backstage; just so you know that is impossible. Then the band comes in and gives us a big group hug. We then gulped two bottles each and went to sleep. We all love camping backstage. We think it’s just like a big sleepover. Its fun! And Judith and I don’t have much of a trouble sleeping together in front of them.

 

I woke up to see the band still sleeping and Judith holding out a steaming cup of black coffee. Hmm! That’s just something I can’t live without. I need to start my day with caffeine and nicotine (and if im in the mood pot would do too). I just need them racing through my veins (this craving for nicotine is something that no non-smoker can understand). It’s difficult to get in for a shower without them.

 

After she handed me my coffee she went and sat on the couch. I go there and lay my head on her thigh and pull real hard on my Marlboro. I could not even blow the smoke out (I got real less sleep last night); I just let it seep out through the side of my mouth. I get done with my coffee and Marlboro and glance at the time. I flip. I look at Judith with a questioning look and all she says in her sexy voice is “I told them not to syringe last night” (it’s a different way of saying injecting heroin) “and they promised that they would get up in time for the bus and guess what? Surprise, surprise, we have missed the bus and no performance equals no dough”. I reply with a sniff “really isn’t there something we can do? What if we wake them up ready real fast and leave ASAP? What if…”she shuts me up by screaming “We have lost the biggest show of our life, you really think we can make it there now? Do you Alexei Turner? Do you? I guess not, right?” I just stared at her and collapsed; im really scared of her screams, she hardly gets angry but once she does it’s like crazy.

 

When I woke up, my head, still spinning from my last conversation with Judith, looks around and sees her sipping a cup of coffee. She doesn’t like coffee; she prefers not to drink it. That’s what hit me. She never drinks it only keeps it ready for me and I couldn’t even see the band anywhere. I freaked. I have never been so scared my entire life. Then I see her walking towards me with the cup in her hand. She whispers “don’t worry; I’m just tasting the coffee before I hand it to you. I have been doing that ever since. I have packed your bags and I have made sure they won’t get up for some more time at least” (she’s probably injected more heroin in their systems) “We are going back to our home town. And I have got this place right opposite the beach. So drink your coffee quick so we can leave.” I asked her why are we leaving and she replies “because I am leaving the band and you are coming with me. I have had enough of this rubbish they give me. I have done so much for them and what do I get? Pot-smoking-vodka-loving-smack heads. So please have your smoke and coffee real quick.” I get out of bed and realize that I have no chance against her; she is just too stubborn.

 

Okay, so the band broke up and I am still living with Judith, I still kept contact with the band mates. She didn’t even mention them.

 

It was her birthday and ‘we’ were celebrating. I was returning home after getting Thai takeout and it started raining heavily. I was soaked head to toe. I soon as I rang the bell, I found a chilled beer in my hand and a pair of amazingly hot lips planted firmly on mine, after that she whispered sexily “chuck the beer; let’s get you out of these wet clothes first.” After dinner, the ex-bassist from ‘the’ band, Keith Turner (no relation; I could never be related to him. He is a slob whereas I am all neat and clean, spic and span and hygienic and I actually take a bath) comes over with a gift for her from Daryl. She got irritated that he had come but she still let him in.

 

I noticed Keith looked kinda nervous. Well I don’t really blame him, Judith intimidates practically everyone. Today was different, he did not look intimidated, he looked panic-stricken. Well he was right to look that way. Daryl had shot himself for Judith. Yes, yes I always knew he was in love with her. It only takes a girl to know who’s in love with whom, (I think Judith was too ignorant to notice). He wrote her a letter. It said…

 

Hey, happy birthday! I know you are irritated with me but let me write it all out. I loved you and I knew that I was never going to get you to love me that way so I decided to be best friends with you (hey, something’s better than nothing right). But that day I saw you leaving with her. That’s what hit me, well actually not that, it’s going to be the bullet but I felt you really needed to know this and I know I am ruining your day but you remember your birthday in the club where we were working I got The Killers to play a song for you (I write sins not tragedies) hope you remember me with that song because it is actually kind of ironic that I’m writing this letter (it’s not a sin, it’s a tragedy). I composed a song for you. I hope you record it with your new band and I also hope that you wear my gift around your neck. I didn’t get it done it was probably Burke/ Keith/ Lee. Hope you miss me and I also hope that Miss Alexei Turner (he used to call me that for some odd reason) takes good care of you and I hope she will miss me too. See you in hell; ha ha.

 

Daryl.

 

Today, I can hear myself singing “forever young, I wanna be forever young. Do you really wanna live for ever, forever, forever?” Today when I walk backstage I think of that bullet around her neck and why Daryl just had to. This word ‘love’ is a sin and this word has made me stick around with her and her band (Blonde Curls & Beer) singing the song Daryl wrote for her because she bursts into tears every time she tries singing it. She loves him as a friend and that’s okay because when I enter her room backstage, I see her opening the Foster’s bottle with her teeth, handing it to me and then reaching out for my lips.

 

 

The ‘Deja Vu-ed’ end

The worst things in life.

Time: 9:44 pm

Place: The Purple Room

Music: Dare You To Move- Switchfoot.

The 2 worst things in the shitbag thing we call life.

Temptation & Karma.

Karma.

Karma is this bad thing that happens to you when you are bad to someone else (and don't apoplogize for it). Karma has many different forms; like falling from a chair to breaking your arm. The intensites of the pain comes from the intensity of the shit you do. 

It feels awesome when it doesn't attack you and someone who has done shit to you. And luckily today. I am not the wrong one. It is her... Her fingers got caught between the door and my maid tried shutting the door a billion times...

Not that it is not nice. It is really painful but you cannot expect to make me feel like a useless piece of shit, hit me, abuse me (verbally), tell me I am the worst thing that has happend to her, send me away cause she cannot stand my face and so on and so fourth.

So her fingers got stuck between the door...

Temptation.

Temptation is a bitch we all have to fight at some point of our lives. It could be trying to resist a cigarette or resisting the urge to kiss this certain person. And somehow we all end up stuck with it. 

I tried quitting yesterday. A day hasn't even passed and I feel like shit already. And resisting the urge to go down, go to my cigg shop and light up is a pain in me behind. And temptation is not only about cigarettes. Also avoiding to eat the entire box of chocolates. And also for her, she has to quit too if she wants her teeth and I saw them and I don't want mine to be like that. But this silly thing called tempation cause infinte pain and sadness and speechless-ness. Bleh*

I hate needing things in life. Even if it is people, food, drugs(nicotine not any others), sleep and your favorite T.V shows... Bah! 

This all sucks and a blog is the best way to vent anger..! 

Awesome-ness Failed

Apparently I do nothing with my life... But the thing is I do. But Bleh* All I'm stuck is listening to her moan about my life and how I will become nothing and all that kinda bullshit. But the point is that it's my life. I have a certain right to choosing what I wanna do with it. Like it's okay if I only work out like thrice a week (dance my ass off). Why should I be also going to the gym, learning a new language, doing a personal make-up course, doing a hair course, earning money and throwing clothes out! Like wtf..! 

And as if my life doesn't suck otherwise. And also I am apparently a failure if I get 3 A's in IG..! I didn't fail a single subject and I got nothing below a 70%. What the fuck bitches!!??!!! 

And also the sad love life people keep asking me about. Not that I care about that but yeah I'm talking about sad things here, one more doesn't make a difference.

Only thing that actually makes me feel better is Kelly's Shoes. And I have decide my subjects (my life, and future career) and I think I have made a wrong choice by doing IB. I should have done HSC science in my 11th and 12th and then gone anywhere from there but no, I was an impulsive idiot. 

So I am not the only one stressing out. I don't dream in my sleep (Sometimes only), I think in my sleep, I think when I am lying down, sitting, dancing, eating, sleeping, playing guitar, singing, typing, not typing, showering, talking on the phone. I think that is pretty much about everything I do. 

SO YES, I HAVE MY OWN STRESS TOO! DON'T FUCKING PISS ME OFF ABOUT YOUR STRESS TOO. 

And if your stress is me, stop stressing, It's my fucking life (sadly).

Watch this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA (awesome-ness I fail to capture)

After dentist pain

Time: 2:27 pm

Place: The Purple Room

Music: If I Ever Leave This World Alive- Flogging Molly

I hate dentists! Like all of them... Can you imagine I cannot eat for an entire hour..! *screams and shatters glass* ME WANT FOOD!!! 

But still... I am really hungry..! They should give us food..! (Me and my inner self) 

Even Jack White isn't helping now. 

But yeah... With dentists I hate mornings, mondays, monday mornings (espescially), karelas (bitter gourd), fish swimming up your genitals (Candiru found in rainforests; and so so SO creepy) and the fact that I had to lose all of my data because my hard drive decided to blow up!!! Argh!

But yeah... Now time to go eat..! FINALLY BITCHES!!! FOOD!!! *Makes extremely happy face and smiles so hard that lips tear into Jolie's* 

Best Friend

Time: 9:28 pm

Place: The Purple Room

Music: Ladies Of Cambridge- Vampire Weekend

Okay… so have you ever felt closer to someone when you both are probably saying the least of what you are feeling… I guess everybody has. It could maybe be your mom or your best friend or maybe even an old man around the corner whose wife maybe just passed away. The silence means a hell lot more than words and way more than actions. Whatever or whomever it might be, it has happened. Somewhere or the other you have felt closer to a person more than ever. Sometimes words cannot express your feelings, minds can.

 

Munching on my crunchy apple, I wait for her after school. Standing outside her class I look at her mouthing a huge ‘hey’ and flashing her goofiest smile ever (she just got her braces off, cant smile for nuts). She gets out (finally) and grabs a bite off my juicy, crunchy and probably not that completely grown apple (well that’s the way I enjoy it) and says “hey there babe, ready to grab a sub?  

 

Then sitting at subway, she cribs about how I always make her late and how Sandra always screams (supposedly by the way, she just asks us why we are late and that’s about it and yeah Sandra is our tuition teacher). She makes it fairly obvious that she completely detests Jessica and me at this very moment.

 

When we finally make it to Sandra’s she gives me a dirty look for not doing my homework and not paying attention to my studies. She also tries to maintain law and order at the tuitions by whacking anybody doing absolute rubbish (with a ruler I must say). And once out I have here her screaming at me about my carelessness and disregard for studies and how I should appreciate the English language and use the pretty four letter word lesser than I use it now. Then on the way home she shares my I pod with me and chooses the crappiest songs out of my list. And also side by side complain about my choice of people i.e. my present crush, my other group of people, my ex boyfriend, my ex girlfriend, my ex best friend, my other crush.

 

And as usual, she has to take offence to some silly joke I crack. She just has to try to leave the rickshaw. And then Jessica has her laughing fits which irritates ‘our dear darling Gwendolyn’ (I called her that once when she was behaving like a spoilt, rich brat. I got it off from Enid Blyton) even further. And once we reach her building, she says bye and allows us to spank her butt (not really, we just always do it and annoy her).

 

In the evening, we get together and play monopoly. I rule at monopoly and she does too (supposedly) but I come in the way and I destroy her (it’s true, I do). And I know I break her heart then but it’s apparently luck now, ‘innit’?

 

But at the end of the day when the price has been paid, I tell her that I love her. Not only because she takes my rubbish and I take hers but she listens to my silence and I listen to hers. Also she listens when I talk too. She knows every little feeling in my head at any given point of time (that sucks though because I can't keep anything to myself but that’s okay because she is trustable). I might have not liked her two plaits and braces and really’ really long hair at first but now I know I love them (except she doesn’t have two plaits, long hair and braces anymore). And now because of her I study; yes, I truly do. I feel I could not have asked for a better friend (or a better psychic). 

Boredom Early In The Morning!

Time: 3:24 am

Place: The Purple Room

Music: Master Of Puppets- Metallica

Okay... This was just something I typed cause I really had to type something. I was just so fucking bored!

I walked into the store. I had never seen anything like it. The smiling go-go girls at the counters, the shiny mannequins; never had set my eyes on something like this before. Somehow it made me feel better about myself. I never believed them when they said that shopping makes you feel better. I still don’t but looking at this makes you feel better, it surely does.

 

“Extreme chemical burns and severe head trauma.” Said Dr. Boyle as she ran in with her patient. “The lab collapsed and a shelf hit her head and a bunch of chemicals broke around her; Hydrogen Peroxide and Hydrochloric acid to be precise.”

“What?! Are you kidding me Dr. Boyle? These chemicals are reacting on her skin forming salts which will be irritating her skin and anyway such strong chemicals will be causing damage. Please page Dr. Kirk immediately!” said Dr. Holloway.

Grey's Anatomy does things to you..! =D 

Late Night Boredom

Time: 3:03 am.

Place: The Purple Room.

Music: Thunder- Boys Like Girls.

So this is like my very first blog, always thought about doing this but finally the boredom got to me.

Today's day was horrible and I am still wearing my Patrick Star boxers and I barely left my bed (only to pee and to eat). And honestly speaking I really don't know what to do with a blog so yeah...

But the very funny thing is that people think that I feel horrible because I have been lying in bed all day. But actually it's 'cause I feel horrible that I lie in bed all day (it proabably makes no sense but don't hate). 

And I loooooove my Patrick Star boxers. And well obviously I love my Spongebob ones too... But I love all...

Sadly people you meet in other countries don't really bother keeping in touch as they say they would, even if you get onto being really close wherever you meet them. It's kinda annoying actually! All the bullshit about "Oi! You better keep in touch or I will have to come down and kill ya!". You could at least bother to reply to messages on Facebook. But no, rudeness has evolved to not replying..!

And Bombay is such a hot city!!! And stupid air-conditioners!!! And all the stupid people around you!!! Bleh* That's all I gotta say.

All day long watching or downloading a show or something similar. Yes, I understand the internet is great but wait, interact with real human beings too! Like the hot ones you can actually touch. Like whoa!!! Be a bitch ,would ya? Like seriously. What is annoying you and what can't you tell people..? 

I feel sad to use a cliche like this but... It isn't about the 'reel' life; it is about the 'real' life.

Stop obsessing over things which don't matter and things that do not concern you.

And good night..!

=D