Surrender

"I love it! You're the bestest friend in the whole world." She screamed. I gifted her this book she'd been searching for, the first edition, I paid a lot for it but it was worth seeing her smile like that. She then kissed me before she left for her daily walk around the block after the cup of coffee and conversation we shared. I was her best friend. Only her best friend. Best FRIEND. She knew I existed, just not in that way. She doesn't even realize the implications of what she does to me, she has no idea, just living in her tiny bubble of oblivion. I wish I didn't know her, I really do wish I hated her. She just doesn't know that love has always been around the corner for her, I've been here, right here, waiting for her, waiting to hold her up again when she falls, be her crutch if she's hurt, but the tiny bubble of oblivion is pretty strong; I just wish she'd see love is right here, in me.

I could always tell her I loved her, you know? But what difference would that make? I'm not her type or her flavor. She's not open to me. But seeing her happy was my goal, so if I had to fake my happiness, I would, always, for her, anything a thousand times over, even if it meant hurting me and seeing her with someone else who just isn't right for her. Someone who doesn't know her. Someone who can't hear her. Someone who's not me. "I wish you were someone else, you know? It'd be so much easier." Like it is ever so god-damn complicated. It is not complicated, it's quite simple actually; I'm serious, dead serious. It's not that hard, nothing is if you want to try it. It's right there, just take a bite right of it, if it's rotten, you spit it out, if not, you savor it till the last bite. Even if you spit it out, the fruit just never goes anywhere, it's still there rotting with you. So take a taste of me, it's not hard.

She should have known by now that I'm obsessed with her, no, not in a weird, creepy, stalker-ish way; fine, maybe a little like that. She's my flower in a field of weeds. My entire life has been about these random people who claim to know me, love me but it's not about them, it's about her, the one and only one, she's different and she doesn't get that. Que dois-je faire? WHAT am I to do? How am I supposed to make her see that I'm the one she's been waiting for, since forever now. She keeps looking in the wrong places. Love isn't hidden, it's there, take it however it is, before it's too late. I wish I had the nerve to ask her what her deal was. She made me, the complete love-hating, sappy song hating, pop-music hating, metal-head to a love deprived, attention craving, attention showering, nice-person. I am changed person now, sheesh!

She just needs too see, surrender herself to me, she'd have no worries, I'd be her mutant and forever would be still too little for everything.

"Surrender every word, every thought, every sound.

Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.

Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.

Surrender all the hope that I have lost, you have found.

Surrender yourself to me."

And I would suggest listening to Surrender- Billy Talent, it's inspiration, honey! :)